3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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