so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't notice because vodka
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
