I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
