just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
