The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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