no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
