i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
