haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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