giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
