why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
