I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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