At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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