just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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