I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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