We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone came in the potted fern
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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