I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
