Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
