i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
