The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize