The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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