is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize