I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize