My first STD was from a foam party
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
