Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize