And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
