that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
