I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My nipple is on Facebook.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
