this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
