Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
