Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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