You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
