I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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