That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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