How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
