I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
