I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
