At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
