I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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