I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
