just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
