ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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