So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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