I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
