chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
