I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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