Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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