So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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