Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
