I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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