i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
