Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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