My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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