Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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