In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
