I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
