Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
