Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize