I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
