you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
