4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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