Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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