Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize