I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
