Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
