Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
