I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize