This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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