I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
