I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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