She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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