She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
handjob tips. give me some.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize