aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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