I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
