Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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